Jonathan Avalon

Quiz mania

2003-04-11T15:59:07Z

I like these quiz things. they make me stop to think about my truths. Not the expected answer for that quiz but the truth.

Air I Am

2003-04-11T15:56:10Z

You are Air! The air calls to you, it brings to
you the truth. You can listen to others
without being known. You flow all round. But
when you are angry you are a terrible foe.

What type of magick are you
brought to you by Quizilla

The passion deepens

2003-04-11T05:03:54Z

I have completed the book "Archetype of Initiation" and I have now a better understanding of ritual and sacred space. It makes sense that I moved towards Alchemy as a magickal practice for the Alchemical vas is one of the strongest containers around. It is so much about the container and the perpetuation of liminal space to set the stage for functioning transformation.

I so understand why Firedance has become such a pilgrimage for me, for us, Lillith and myself. We like it "hot".

The only issue that I came away with is the concept of "ritual elder". I talked with Lillith about this and after a few days of musing on her response, and others, I think that the biggest problem in my communication is the separation of "tribal elders" from "ritual elders". I have been doing, participating and expressing ritual in many forms for a real long time. I love it. It is truly the game in my town. I admit it...

I am Jonathan Avalon, and I am a ritual junky. But not just any ritual. I have been to many a ritual that wasn't. I still wonder if that CMA ritual ever ended. I hope for the participants that someone finally ended that, oh the ritualist in me doesn't even want to call it a ritual anymore.

The Firedance experience has opened my eyes to a new world of transformation and a ritual tech that blows me away. And many others as well. I have also learned about myself through the reading of this book that I am weary and untrusting in most ritual space. Even to the degree that I love the Firedance experience I don't let go too far in fear of the lose and breakdown of the liminal space and going through another aborted transformation.

The important thing for me is that now I have a better understanding on how to create this space for others as I priest and step up as "Ritual Elder". I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!!!!!!

A new reading...

2003-04-06T00:03:24Z

I have begun to read a most fascinating book. "The Archetype of Initiation" by Robert Moore. I became interested in this book while I was reading the series on Masculine Archetypes. The first two chapters have blown mw away. I anticipate the next reading.

I have learned the terms "liminoid" and "liminal" as refered to sacred space. I have also learned that we as a society are in sevear lack of ritual elders. True clergy to help guid us through our transitions with wisdome and understanding.

Where have all the elders gone? I am only 39, too young to be an elder I say. I call it the missing generation.

Another bundle of bunnies

2003-04-05T23:55:10Z

Mysty Rain, our first successful doe breeder rabbit gave birth last eve to a kindle of at least 8 but what appears to be 10 hopping bunnies. I would have to say that we are now into the bunny making way. It is time as well to start consuming Mysty Rain's first kindle. We have found rabbit meat to be quite tasty. Especially the ribs. As far as meat goes it is the highest in proteins and the lowest in fats. rabbits are also the most economical for food production. They are ready from birth to table in 8 weeks only being feed on their mothers milk. Any one can supply their own table with meat from their own back yard.

animatedhuman @ 2003-03-27T13:27:00

2003-03-27T20:32:56Z

The state of the "Union" is LOVE!

2003-03-26T18:59:36Z

Good Day Beloveds, I hope this message finds you well.

I understand that the issues of the world weigh heavey on the minds of the people I love. I have seen the efects of todays darkness as it takes over the thoughts and communications of all I know. It sadens me to think that even as I share with you now it looms over head casting its shadow down attempting to block out all light, all love.

And it is love that I care to share with you today. Take a moment. Sit back in your chairs and take in a full deep breath. Let it out slowly and gently as we remember back a few years. Nearly three years to be exact. I remember it well my Friends, I was preparing myself for a long solo journey out on the road. I had already shed myself of the cumbersome burden of materialism and was on my way to freedom and independance. This is the beginning of our story as the Gods laid before me the path to my Beloved.

Nearly three years ago, to this day, I began communicating with my Beloveds Joe and Virginia about going over to their home and giving a massage to a guest they were about to have, or having. So a date was agreed upon and the wheels were set into motion. I had no idea what to expect, all I knew was that she was an "up there" member of the OTO. Well, that's not quite true. As I remember back I remember feeling how important this was for me. The voices in the back of my head keept shure that I reached the schedualed appointment. Time pased as I made myself ready for what was to come.

And then it came. April forth. Tuesday. In the van and from Austin to San Antonio I proceed. I have always loved the drive between these two places, it is like going from one country in Europe to another. All seemed to go well on the drive untill I reached SA. Shortly after ariving in town I had a blow out. Off the hiway into a shopping center, out of the car to look at th tire. Damn, hot sunny day, nearly at my destination. Shit, I have to change a tire before I give a masage. If you have ever seen Imortal Beloved, the seen when they are talking about the sonata and Bethovan was stuck in the mud trying to reach his love at the Inn. This is how I felt. Another test of my resolve. There in san Antonio in the middle of a shopping center parking lot changing a tire... in a skirt!

The Gods are on my side. Tire fixed and back on the road, thirty more minutes to Joe and V's.

Ariving at the gate I was un aware that my "client" or soon to be "Beloved" was in full observation of my actions and every move. Out of the van and open the gate. One must tie up Thor first or out he will run. That beautiful wolf dog never learned to stay in the yard. Park the van, close the gate and let loose the dog. Thor was originally my dog. we went through training together and he fullfilled that desire I had had to have a wolf dog. I really love and miss him. When I finally picked my head up to look around there she was, looking over a little fence like thing saring straight at me. No, into me she was seeing. deep into my soul like she knew exactly where it was. Boy did she have the advantage, knowing who I was and me totaly clueless. I was so in massage therapist mode.

"You must be Jonathan." she said as we embraced for the first time. I had no idea how important those words were at that time. I think that if the Gods had revealed their sly dubious plan to me that I would have turned away and left right then. So they fooled me into being a massage therapist and then she says to me you must be Jonathan. Ticky, trick

You know, I think that for today Beloveds, that I will stop here. Again, tomarrow, I will continue the story for I am in a space of reflection and a good love story should never go too fast.

Until then my Friends may the Gods rain down upon you tiny sprinkels of golden love.
Jonathan Avalon
...always in motion...
http://www.animatedhuman.com
"Come forth, o children, under the stars, and take your fill of love!" - liber al(1-12)

The Inner Peace March

2003-01-25T16:16:52Z

Beloved Friends,

I commend the world for standing up and walking for peace, I truly do. What goes through my mind though is how does one expect this, the peace march, to truly change the world. I understand that it sends a message to those "people in power" that we the citizens do not approve of war. Hell, as I understand it war is an expression of Fear. I would say the ultimate expression of Fear. I don't believe that people go to war with each other because it was popular opinion. My faith and optimism in life will not allow me to accept that the majority of the world's population wants war. However they, we, do allow it to go on. Why? I ask myself. Why do we allow this to go on? What part of this dis-functional expression of Fear are we all attached to.

I don't think that the peace march will truly change the world. Look at how long we have been doing this act. These "people in power", pips, are literally scared out of there wits. Acting out like a child might but with bigger "toys". We don't need to let the world know we don't approve, the whole world knows this already. How is this going to stop those "pips" from projecting war upon this beloved Earth. And I mean STOP! Once and for all. What will make a Man NOT put on the uniform and NOT pick up a weapon and NOT, for Gods sake, kill another living being out of Fear?

Love is the only way I know of. So far Love is the only "weapon" we have against Fear. The battle doesn't wage itself on the fields of Gia, it wages within the hearts of all mankind. ALL MANKIND! Me too! Rage, anger, abuse - what makes me act this way? What am I so afraid of that allows so many expressions of Fear to make themselves manifest here? We all individually might not go to war with tanks and "smart bombs", but we do go to "war" each and every time we allow our dis-functional expressions of fear to take over and manifest themselves.

So back to Love. The truest weapon of destruction. I believe that what we, I, need to do is SHOW the world how to Love. How this thing called Love will comfort all. Will keep all secure. How Love allows enough for every one and every thing. Peace marches aren't very peaceful when they present words of hate printed on signs as magickal talismans. George Bush is not the enemy, Fear is. Look at the man, he is full of Fear. I feel sorry for him and all others like him. What is out of whack in them that keeps them, there I go again, that keeps us so afraid?

I have no answers to the worlds attachment to Fear, to war, especially sitting out here detached or trying to be detached from it all. The only way I know to shine light on the darkness of Man is to be an individuated beacon of Light, of Love. To strive with all devotion to live a life based on the principles and concepts of Love. To be a living example of how to live without Fear. My peace march begins here at home, within my heart. Every day of the rest of my life will be spent marching for peace. No banners. No thousands of people. Just me. I cannot ask or expect others to live without Fear until I do so myself. My peace march is to bring peace within myself, and once the war stops there then maybe it will stop out there.

LOVE
Jonathan Avalon

Chop wood, the well caries water

2003-01-23T16:35:53Z

Today another day of cutting and chopping wood. Cleaning up the land of old fallen cider so to burn in the Dragon to keep the family warm. I have been at this since the beginning of winter. Now as winter subsides and the pressure is off there is ritual and magick in the gathering of energy to keep warm. So, again today, I go out and ask the Earth to give up its dead so that we can stay warm again tonight.

Blessed are the trees!!!!!

Active Particapation

2003-01-23T16:30:45Z

Time moves through us so fast. At the end of last year I was reconnected with two old and dear friends. we talked for a while and then, again, nothing. I have been wraped up in the day to day functioning of our home, and I believe that like me, they are again back to the day to day functioning of thier life. This is truely how I see the world around me. We are all buisily doing the work we came here to do and the people we communicate with are those who are close to us in the doing. I miss all my friends and family, however, to keep up with them and stay in contact is a work all unto itself.

Every one I know is buisy. Here on LJ I have a small oppertunity to see how buisy we actually are. Some times i think that the world of People has gone astray. We are buisy making the world of People, for people. In sevice of this or that great thing. "It will change mankind." that and many other "honorable" justifcations. in the meen time we seperate ourselves from each other so that we can do the "great work".
Didn't some one tell me that the great work was union. Ok, it was the great rite. But if that if the great rite it should also be the great work. Union! The bringing together of ...

At this point I see only one true and honorable "great work", and that is the formation of community. The bringing together of great people. A gathering of Gods. And as a member of said community, active particapation in eachothers evolution.

Ther is far too much space between us.

Fire in the center a symbol of the Sun

2002-12-13T17:35:12Z

I tried to hold back but I couldn’t. It has been going through my head for the past 24 hours, I can no longer resist.

I read yesterday morning, in Alchemical Psychology...

"Paracelsus observed that humans share an affinity with fire: both of us must feed upon other lives in order to keep alive."

We are like fire and fire is like us. Fire is an instrament of transformation and so are we. Fire, a symbol of the sun. I am like fire and fire is like the sun, I and the sun are one. And the Son said:"I and the father are one." and the father being God. God and the sun are one, I and the sun are on...I and God are one.

I think about this as I cut wood to feed our stove that transforms the energy through fire into heat to keep us warm.

Seeking refinancing

2002-12-11T16:43:37Z

I have been financing this crazy idea of what it means to be a parent, or step-parent, or child guide or what ever you want to label it as. What I do know is that I am broke. And this crazy idea that has now made manifest is not serving nor is it "paying back". Therefore, I am busted. Sometimes the stubborn Taurus in me gets hold of an idea and just wont let go. I will change it if it kills me, and all around for that matter.

So, I wish to invest in a new way. A higher vision of how to be within this situation. I have searched within for the answer only to be distracted by that damn stubborn Taurus. Kicking and screaming I drag the Taurus by his hooves before the Gods and ask for help. I humble my self before thee and ask for guidance and clarity to see a new way. I am unable to see clearly on my own. I am not as big as I think I am. I am open and receptive as I sacrifice the old way for the new. Please. Help.

Yule tide bunnies

2002-12-10T21:33:27Z

The Yule season along with Jack the Frost brought to us a kindle of bunnies the other night. After having been on the path of rabbit magick since April we have finally manifested our first batch of renewable food supply. The next step will be to see them to full size healthy rabbits good for the eating.

A few note about rabbit meat. It has the highest content of protein. It is said to be the beast for you meat you could eat. Especially if you raise it yourself.

Yea the Rabbit God, thank you for our bounty.

Forget all about that macho shit and learn how to play guitar

2002-11-27T15:50:21Z

Joy is found in the teaching of children. Ok, child. Ok, Rosie.

For Rosie's 8th birthday we got her a guitar. She said after Firedance this year that she wanted to learn to play. So we got her one for her birthday. After this decision I questioned how she would learn this instrument, without a structure she won't learn it. Well, I have always wanted to learn guitar myself so I decided to get one as well and the two of us would learn together. this way I could not slack on my devotion to the learning process, for if I did this would slow down the learning process for Rose. Can't teach what you don't know.

So, we got a book. My guitar has not yet arrived. I read the book and practice some on her little guitar so that when she comes home I can show her. This has been great. she is so open to the knowledge that she absorbs it at lightning speed. I would say that this 8 year old spent one and a half hours practicing her guitar last night. Listing I was as she learned for the first time how to keep rhythm. She serves as inspiration.

Our house is full of music.

Cut me open and expose me before the Gods

2002-11-19T16:04:35Z

I have reached the end of my rope. With myself. Myself, you suck!

This is all due to my ability in relating to the children. I asked the Gods last night for a re-wiring. Damn their slow some times. I was hoping that it would have happened last night so that I would awaken anew. But again this morning my rage got the best of me. I wish for nothing more than to be able to unconditionally love these two divine children. I don't think that I can even say I have any understanding as to why this part of me exists. I am at this point of animalistic reactionary response. A firecracker with hardly a fuse. And it is getting worse. Long dark spirals down to I don’t know where.

Where are the Gods taking me? Mostly I feel as though this is the biggest distraction around. Keeping me from focusing my attention where I need to. What are the Gods attempting to teach me? Damn it, be clear will you!

Out of all the people on this planet that I know why would I choose a defenseless nine-year-old boy to bear the load of my rage. For that matter, what the hell am I doing with rage? This cannot possibly be mine. This is not me. I can't figure out for the life of me what I have to be "in-rage" about. I mean really, Jonathan, what on earth do you have to be angry with? What?! For the sake of the Gods man, what?

They say it comes from fear. I look. I don't think I see fear. Maybe I delude myself, not sure. I look. I see uncertainty. This I have asked for. I look. Does this uncertainty bring to me fear? I have no idea.

I just thought that right now I am afraid, afraid that this is really who I am. Maybe this soft, compassionate, loving Jonathan was an illusion. Maybe I am so full of fear, anger, hate, rage that I can no longer contain myself and I am starting to leak out the truth. I remember being here before. This place is dark, looking around I see nothing. There is only darkness. And the Darkness remembers me. We've been here before. I know you're out there. I know cause I remember from before. You are the one who imprisoned me here the last time. I do not know how you got me here again or why I am here. Am I sure that I had even left? Oh, yes, I am sure. I simply don't know why I am here again. Come out, Come out where ever you are...

The greatest love of all

2002-11-18T15:06:24Z

Brick by brick the Gods lay the structure that teaches me greater and greater forms of unconditional love. Jonathan's greatest adventure. How can I love more has always been the question. Sometimes I confuse myself in thinking that that question is limited to say my Beloved. The question changes and becomes how can I love only this person more.

I have learned that that limited range sets me further apart from others except my Beloved. This make me limited in my ability to love, unconditionally. And I don't mean unconditional love, I mean unconditionally loving unconditionally. Wow, let me look at that again..."unconditionally loving unconditionally".

I understand that unconditional love opens a channel between two people where they have the total freedom to be who they are with each other. This takes much energy. Harder to do when your tiered or depleted, hell, hard to do for more that one or two people.

Well, I have learned this weekend, thanks to my Beloved, that this is how it is for parents. Well, at least it sounded as if it should be this way for parents. This is the channel of relationship that I need to develop with the children. And as I thought of it harder I realized that this is the way to true happiness. The ability to truly love the world unconditionally. To love the Gods through all beings.

I don't know if my heart is big enough for that.

Stepping up, taking on rolls

2002-11-15T17:15:50Z

Recently I have been lifted up to the position of Director of Operations for the Firedance 2003 event. I don't think that it has quite set in as to what this means. or for that matter how it should feel. Right now I don't really feel as though it is real. It is like I am included But not. It is this "not" part that keeps me distant. As I have learned from past situations when I felt left out it is usually me not participating.

So I say to myself: "Take on the robes that you have chosen to wear. Wear them with pride and confidence that this is right for you. Become that which you say you are and participate as if you have always done so."

You can not be a part of the team if you are apart from them.

Let the feast begin!

2002-11-14T20:50:22Z

Wow! Wow! Wow!
It has been a long time since I have felt this kind of adrenalin rush. Today I have made my first kill. Eyes wide open as I saw the butt of my atheme strike the back of his head. Just behind the ears, like the Book said.

A circle of stones which contains a stone alter in the center. In the middle of the alter was carved a symbol, a five pointed star - the power of physical manifestation. The quarters were called and the Divine Lord and Lady were invited to attend. And there stood the Priest before the Gods with the offering of pure Velvet in his hands. After having been received, the offering was placed on the stone alter. After a moment of thanksgiving and deep inner repose the Priest picked up his dagger, with the other hand he held Velvet still and without hesitation he struck.

It was at this point that the fantasy became reality. I was not at all prepared for the squeal. I was not expecting any thing but that was farther than I had ever reached. After having realized that I had taken my hands off I reached back out and held him as his life force left him. what had seemed like forever he gently became unanimated. Lying gently quiet, at peace. My heart was pounding like it was about to jump out of my chest. Breathe, damn it, breathe!

There on his knees sits the Priest/King, in front of the Gods with his offering there before him. His blood has been spilled on the Earth. The sacrifice has been made and accepted. Let the offering be properly prepared and eaten by Gods.

His will had been set into motion...
The deed has been done.
The ritual is now over.

The Great Rite

2002-11-14T16:44:29Z

Today is the day that my paganality gets truly tested. The actions that I take today were set into motion far too many years ago for me to grab onto. But here I stand today at the gat way into my true self and the core of my personal mythology. I remember asking the Gods to open before me the pathway towards being a "Pagan Man". First they gave to me a Beautiful Pagan Woman. Then the Land, the Home, the Greenhouse, The Chickens and their eggs. I was given opportunity to participate in turkey slaughter. But not yet have I stepped over the line. I held the turkey but it was not I who swung the ax. As a matter of fact I stepped away from that place quite deliberately.

But today. Today is the day that I face myself head on. For if I am unable to personally kill this animal that I have named, fed, housed, loved and raised, than I may not continue on this way. Today I stand at the door way of what I believe Paganism to be. To claim my right as a Pagan king I must be able to shed my own blood. On offering. A sacrifice of the God, by the God, for the people. How appropriate that today's offering will be a boy, a buck. Velvet is his name. Black and white. He came with the first set of Bunnies that started this process early this Spring. Unfortunately his companions passed away from heat stroke, he was the soul survivor of the original four. Since that day he has never been the same. Not a well bunny at all, no longer suitable for breading.

Velvet, I offer your spirit up to the Gods so that they might see that through my Love and care for the Land and it's Peoples, that I, Jonathan Avalon - Priest/King, am willing to spill of my own blood to feed and nurture this Kingdom. Velvet, may you forever be the symbol of the new way. I lift up your soul to the company of Stars. I let your blood drip down to blend with the Earth. I offer your flesh to be eaten by Gods and Goddesses alike. Thank you.

So mote it be!

Click here: rightnow

2002-11-14T16:07:57Z

"Click here: rightnow"
These were the word that I read as an email come through from a loved and dear friend.
"This looks like a trick." I said to myself. "I bet it's one of those viruses."
Moving the cursor and highlighting those words I hesitated for only a moment when love and trust took over knowing that this friend would not send to me a virus. Click! And off we went... click here right now!

The journey, Beloveds was one of the most beautifully illustrated inspirational, motivational meditations I have ever experienced. The imagery, the music and the words. Words of Gods I would say. These are at least the words that the Gods say to me.

Love. Trust. Right here, right now. Don't hesitate as I did Friends. Click here, right now!

Out front and in the open

2002-10-22T17:22:39Z

I continue to amaze myself on how many ways I can find to put myself out there. I know that I am already out there but I mean really out there in front. Teaching, guiding, simply leading. This turn happened for me about four or five years ago at a festival i was attending. I have fought off the label of teacher for quite some time and still do. Yet more and more I find myself reaching in so to find greater ways to reach out.

Putting one's thought out there for all to see, inspect, even comment on, well that's out there man. So here I go on this new journey, wow what a rush.

I have found through out my life that I suppress a majority of the thought I have from ever being full expressed. This has been due to numerous events in my life when I would speak out only to find myself instantly alone. Was I the only one speaking english, was I speaking english at all? How 'bout you just don't speak at all? The greatest challenge has been to remember that my life is interesting and that I do have valuable things to say and express, and most of all that there are people out there that are actually interested and willing to listen and share. And then I have to remember that I am not alone.